Thorns Among the Roses

It happened far quicker than I had thought it would. Yes, dear friends, I have been accused of being a hypocrite!

I suppose, at this stage of my walk with Christ, it might be a fair assessment. Might be, I said. But I really do not believe it is fair. 'Hypocrite' is over-used and completely unfair. Frankly, if we are attempting at all to better ourselves, I believe it an ugly, abusive, undeserved term. It is a fast, easy, hurtful rock  in the  hand of weaker people (who perhaps feel guilty themselves) to throw. They make themselves feel better by deflecting.

I am not putting on religious airs this time around. I did that already. I ascribed to a legalistic viewpoint while keeping myself all messed up inside, filthy and dirty spiritually. Would you let me share something with you? It was easier to put on airs and pretend! This time around I promised I would be committed to doing the homework, to cleaning up the mess. The person who accused me is angry because I have stated that I forgive, but have chosen to protect myself from them this time. I left myself wide open before.This time around, I choose to remain separate and not engage in relationship with them on any level.
I believe that I do not have to make myself accessible for further hurt and injury after I have forgiven. Forgiveness has a direct result if it works the way God intends it to work. Restoration. But for the Forgiveness = Restoration equation to work, there must be Repentance. No Repentance, no Restoration.

Naturally, I turned to the bible for guidance on the issue. The most popular verses on forgiveness are where Jesus speaks of 'turning the other cheek' and forgiving your brother '70 times 7'.  Can we start with the '70 x 7' thing?

You can find this in your own Bible in Matthew chapter 18 (v.21-35) I strongly suggest you read these verses for yourself. I think it a really bad, lazy practice that Christians have developed of letting others do their research. It is my personal opinion that huge amounts of false teaching goes undetected because individuals will not take the time or expend the energy to simply read it and meditate on it themselves.
Peter, who is going to be the rock that Jesus builds His church, comes to Jesus and asks Him to clarify Forgiveness for us, to give us specific parameters and define the extent of the Forgiveness that we are to express to others. Just before this happens, Jesus had already laid out our four-step process, or protocol,if you will, for church discipline and how to handle grievances and conflict resolution within the church. That is , how we are supposed to seek restoration when we are the injured party and need an apology and a change in behavior from the other party. Can you see Peter mulling this over for a minute and then coming to the logical next step? Do you think Peter  had a growing concern gnawing away at him? How many times am I supposed to forgive them if they keep on  hurting me? Maybe he had a relative that just kept adding insult to injury. I think a lot of us can relate to that even today. Human nature and relationships are pretty much the same today as they were two thousand or even six thousand years ago.

Jesus answered Peter in His own special way, by parable. He compared the Kingdom of Heaven to a King who forgave a servant a debt. As the story progresses the servant gets a chance to pass along the blessing and forgive a debt owed him. Out of greed he passes the chance to be forgiving like his King. The King, who apparently expected his subjects to follow his example, was more than a little ticked off. He sent the greedy, selfish servant to be tortured and punished for his selfishness.

So we take away from this the fact that God expects us to follow His example and forgive. But that still leaves the question of whether or not I am allowed to separate myself from the offender in order to avoid further hurt. Jesus just simply does not address that in His powerful little lesson. Our next stop is the 'turn the other cheek' tidbit.

Matthew 5:39 and Luke 6:29 cover this. Again, I would ask that you look these verses up for yourself, read them. Meditate on them. Do not give in to the urge to rush through if you do commit to reading them. The Holy Spirit does not rush through His work in you. Agree to partner with Him and let this sink in thoroughly. I think Jesus meant this to be a lesson in how to deal with situations where you must be in contact with the offender. Where there is no option to remove yourself from their influence, you are required to 'take it on the chin' and keep forgiving in the hopes that God will use your example to bring the offender to His Mercy and Forgiveness. Our situations are not always like that, however.

Let's take a look at a woman who had a serious hurt done to her. Her life was ruined by one of her own family members and she did not stay in the situation. She removed herself from the sphere of the offender. Her name was Tamar. This woman's history is found in 2 Samuel 13: 1-22. As always, I think you should go there and read it for yourself. I can tell you the story, but reading it yourself allows the Holy Spirit to work with it in your own life. You cannot get that from this blog no matter how well I might explain things or point things out (or how badly for that matter).

Tamar got hurt. She was ruined. In her day you didn't get raped by a relative and go on about your business hiding it from everyone. You did not go on to a beautiful wedding and happily ever after as can and does happen now. She was allowed to move into her brother's home and live out the rest of her days, avoiding any further hurt from Amnon (until his death, that is). I do not know if she forgave him. She did not live in the age of Grace as we do. Things were a little different before Jesus. She did go away to avoid further hurt and shame at Amnon's hand though. I think it perfectly fine to follow that example and keep ourselves from further hurt from someone who is unapologetic and sees nothing wrong in their behavior toward us when it is hurtful and harmful.

We are not called to be doormats in every situation that harms us.

The Holy Spirit will lead in every situation that the believer turns over to God, however. Prayer should always be our first course of action before dealing with any situation or issue that comes up. Perhaps God will use your circumstances to bring someone to Himself.

You are certainly not a hypocrite if the good Lord says to separate.