God takes care of those who believe Him and love Him (you know, those that attempt to obey Him).
God promises to redeem things in us and in our lives if we honor our relationship with Him. I am learning that I am no exception to that promise. He is restoring me, just as promised. Color me grateful and pleasantly surprised.
One thing I missed out on through my own stupidity and bad behavior was a beautiful wedding to a wonderful husband who loved me, at least the first time around. Well, admittedly the second time around was not one to put in the memory books either. I have a personal belief that court houses are a bad start to marriages, regardless of the long and successful marriage my grandparents enjoyed. Third time was a charm in the husband department. I found my best friend and we had a wedding.
It was a pagan ceremony. We had no budget of which to speak. The reception table was the prettiest part of the day thanks to my mother and sister-in-law. We crammed about 25 people into a 2 bedroom townhouse living room with an arch, a minister and a priestess, two attendants, and us. It was September 3rd and it was a scorcher of a Southern summer day.
As I learn more about the relationship I have now with God, with a savior, I find myself wishing I had the wedding of my dreams. I long for the gown, flowers, and celebration. I am learning about covenants and vows and regret my lack of understanding in those areas when I was younger. I want the celebration of a covenant bond between my God and myself, between my husband and myself. I want it to be in a church. I want it to be a Christian ceremony.
I guess God wanted me to have it as well. You see, my husband regrets not having the ceremony of our dreams as well. So, we have decided to reaffirm our commitment. I bought my dress this past week. We have not decided which anniversary we will pick to commemorate our union, but we are leaning towards next year. Even if it winds up being just me, him, and the kids in a Gatlinburg chapel, I will be happy.
We have not always had an easy time of it. I really was not sure we would survive the first year. We determined to remain committed to one another and it is working out quite well so far. I am very glad I stayed when I could have done the selfish thing and left because things were not 'going my way'.
Would I do it all again? You bet.
Regardless of what anyone else thinks I am going to in a church full of roses in full bloom!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Thorns Among the Roses
It happened far quicker than I had thought it would. Yes, dear friends, I have been accused of being a hypocrite!
I suppose, at this stage of my walk with Christ, it might be a fair assessment. Might be, I said. But I really do not believe it is fair. 'Hypocrite' is over-used and completely unfair. Frankly, if we are attempting at all to better ourselves, I believe it an ugly, abusive, undeserved term. It is a fast, easy, hurtful rock in the hand of weaker people (who perhaps feel guilty themselves) to throw. They make themselves feel better by deflecting.
I am not putting on religious airs this time around. I did that already. I ascribed to a legalistic viewpoint while keeping myself all messed up inside, filthy and dirty spiritually. Would you let me share something with you? It was easier to put on airs and pretend! This time around I promised I would be committed to doing the homework, to cleaning up the mess. The person who accused me is angry because I have stated that I forgive, but have chosen to protect myself from them this time. I left myself wide open before.This time around, I choose to remain separate and not engage in relationship with them on any level.
I believe that I do not have to make myself accessible for further hurt and injury after I have forgiven. Forgiveness has a direct result if it works the way God intends it to work. Restoration. But for the Forgiveness = Restoration equation to work, there must be Repentance. No Repentance, no Restoration.
Naturally, I turned to the bible for guidance on the issue. The most popular verses on forgiveness are where Jesus speaks of 'turning the other cheek' and forgiving your brother '70 times 7'. Can we start with the '70 x 7' thing?
You can find this in your own Bible in Matthew chapter 18 (v.21-35) I strongly suggest you read these verses for yourself. I think it a really bad, lazy practice that Christians have developed of letting others do their research. It is my personal opinion that huge amounts of false teaching goes undetected because individuals will not take the time or expend the energy to simply read it and meditate on it themselves.
Peter, who is going to be the rock that Jesus builds His church, comes to Jesus and asks Him to clarify Forgiveness for us, to give us specific parameters and define the extent of the Forgiveness that we are to express to others. Just before this happens, Jesus had already laid out our four-step process, or protocol,if you will, for church discipline and how to handle grievances and conflict resolution within the church. That is , how we are supposed to seek restoration when we are the injured party and need an apology and a change in behavior from the other party. Can you see Peter mulling this over for a minute and then coming to the logical next step? Do you think Peter had a growing concern gnawing away at him? How many times am I supposed to forgive them if they keep on hurting me? Maybe he had a relative that just kept adding insult to injury. I think a lot of us can relate to that even today. Human nature and relationships are pretty much the same today as they were two thousand or even six thousand years ago.
Jesus answered Peter in His own special way, by parable. He compared the Kingdom of Heaven to a King who forgave a servant a debt. As the story progresses the servant gets a chance to pass along the blessing and forgive a debt owed him. Out of greed he passes the chance to be forgiving like his King. The King, who apparently expected his subjects to follow his example, was more than a little ticked off. He sent the greedy, selfish servant to be tortured and punished for his selfishness.
So we take away from this the fact that God expects us to follow His example and forgive. But that still leaves the question of whether or not I am allowed to separate myself from the offender in order to avoid further hurt. Jesus just simply does not address that in His powerful little lesson. Our next stop is the 'turn the other cheek' tidbit.
Matthew 5:39 and Luke 6:29 cover this. Again, I would ask that you look these verses up for yourself, read them. Meditate on them. Do not give in to the urge to rush through if you do commit to reading them. The Holy Spirit does not rush through His work in you. Agree to partner with Him and let this sink in thoroughly. I think Jesus meant this to be a lesson in how to deal with situations where you must be in contact with the offender. Where there is no option to remove yourself from their influence, you are required to 'take it on the chin' and keep forgiving in the hopes that God will use your example to bring the offender to His Mercy and Forgiveness. Our situations are not always like that, however.
Let's take a look at a woman who had a serious hurt done to her. Her life was ruined by one of her own family members and she did not stay in the situation. She removed herself from the sphere of the offender. Her name was Tamar. This woman's history is found in 2 Samuel 13: 1-22. As always, I think you should go there and read it for yourself. I can tell you the story, but reading it yourself allows the Holy Spirit to work with it in your own life. You cannot get that from this blog no matter how well I might explain things or point things out (or how badly for that matter).
Tamar got hurt. She was ruined. In her day you didn't get raped by a relative and go on about your business hiding it from everyone. You did not go on to a beautiful wedding and happily ever after as can and does happen now. She was allowed to move into her brother's home and live out the rest of her days, avoiding any further hurt from Amnon (until his death, that is). I do not know if she forgave him. She did not live in the age of Grace as we do. Things were a little different before Jesus. She did go away to avoid further hurt and shame at Amnon's hand though. I think it perfectly fine to follow that example and keep ourselves from further hurt from someone who is unapologetic and sees nothing wrong in their behavior toward us when it is hurtful and harmful.
We are not called to be doormats in every situation that harms us.
The Holy Spirit will lead in every situation that the believer turns over to God, however. Prayer should always be our first course of action before dealing with any situation or issue that comes up. Perhaps God will use your circumstances to bring someone to Himself.
You are certainly not a hypocrite if the good Lord says to separate.
I suppose, at this stage of my walk with Christ, it might be a fair assessment. Might be, I said. But I really do not believe it is fair. 'Hypocrite' is over-used and completely unfair. Frankly, if we are attempting at all to better ourselves, I believe it an ugly, abusive, undeserved term. It is a fast, easy, hurtful rock in the hand of weaker people (who perhaps feel guilty themselves) to throw. They make themselves feel better by deflecting.
I am not putting on religious airs this time around. I did that already. I ascribed to a legalistic viewpoint while keeping myself all messed up inside, filthy and dirty spiritually. Would you let me share something with you? It was easier to put on airs and pretend! This time around I promised I would be committed to doing the homework, to cleaning up the mess. The person who accused me is angry because I have stated that I forgive, but have chosen to protect myself from them this time. I left myself wide open before.This time around, I choose to remain separate and not engage in relationship with them on any level.
I believe that I do not have to make myself accessible for further hurt and injury after I have forgiven. Forgiveness has a direct result if it works the way God intends it to work. Restoration. But for the Forgiveness = Restoration equation to work, there must be Repentance. No Repentance, no Restoration.
Naturally, I turned to the bible for guidance on the issue. The most popular verses on forgiveness are where Jesus speaks of 'turning the other cheek' and forgiving your brother '70 times 7'. Can we start with the '70 x 7' thing?
You can find this in your own Bible in Matthew chapter 18 (v.21-35) I strongly suggest you read these verses for yourself. I think it a really bad, lazy practice that Christians have developed of letting others do their research. It is my personal opinion that huge amounts of false teaching goes undetected because individuals will not take the time or expend the energy to simply read it and meditate on it themselves.
Peter, who is going to be the rock that Jesus builds His church, comes to Jesus and asks Him to clarify Forgiveness for us, to give us specific parameters and define the extent of the Forgiveness that we are to express to others. Just before this happens, Jesus had already laid out our four-step process, or protocol,if you will, for church discipline and how to handle grievances and conflict resolution within the church. That is , how we are supposed to seek restoration when we are the injured party and need an apology and a change in behavior from the other party. Can you see Peter mulling this over for a minute and then coming to the logical next step? Do you think Peter had a growing concern gnawing away at him? How many times am I supposed to forgive them if they keep on hurting me? Maybe he had a relative that just kept adding insult to injury. I think a lot of us can relate to that even today. Human nature and relationships are pretty much the same today as they were two thousand or even six thousand years ago.
Jesus answered Peter in His own special way, by parable. He compared the Kingdom of Heaven to a King who forgave a servant a debt. As the story progresses the servant gets a chance to pass along the blessing and forgive a debt owed him. Out of greed he passes the chance to be forgiving like his King. The King, who apparently expected his subjects to follow his example, was more than a little ticked off. He sent the greedy, selfish servant to be tortured and punished for his selfishness.
So we take away from this the fact that God expects us to follow His example and forgive. But that still leaves the question of whether or not I am allowed to separate myself from the offender in order to avoid further hurt. Jesus just simply does not address that in His powerful little lesson. Our next stop is the 'turn the other cheek' tidbit.
Matthew 5:39 and Luke 6:29 cover this. Again, I would ask that you look these verses up for yourself, read them. Meditate on them. Do not give in to the urge to rush through if you do commit to reading them. The Holy Spirit does not rush through His work in you. Agree to partner with Him and let this sink in thoroughly. I think Jesus meant this to be a lesson in how to deal with situations where you must be in contact with the offender. Where there is no option to remove yourself from their influence, you are required to 'take it on the chin' and keep forgiving in the hopes that God will use your example to bring the offender to His Mercy and Forgiveness. Our situations are not always like that, however.
Let's take a look at a woman who had a serious hurt done to her. Her life was ruined by one of her own family members and she did not stay in the situation. She removed herself from the sphere of the offender. Her name was Tamar. This woman's history is found in 2 Samuel 13: 1-22. As always, I think you should go there and read it for yourself. I can tell you the story, but reading it yourself allows the Holy Spirit to work with it in your own life. You cannot get that from this blog no matter how well I might explain things or point things out (or how badly for that matter).
Tamar got hurt. She was ruined. In her day you didn't get raped by a relative and go on about your business hiding it from everyone. You did not go on to a beautiful wedding and happily ever after as can and does happen now. She was allowed to move into her brother's home and live out the rest of her days, avoiding any further hurt from Amnon (until his death, that is). I do not know if she forgave him. She did not live in the age of Grace as we do. Things were a little different before Jesus. She did go away to avoid further hurt and shame at Amnon's hand though. I think it perfectly fine to follow that example and keep ourselves from further hurt from someone who is unapologetic and sees nothing wrong in their behavior toward us when it is hurtful and harmful.
We are not called to be doormats in every situation that harms us.
The Holy Spirit will lead in every situation that the believer turns over to God, however. Prayer should always be our first course of action before dealing with any situation or issue that comes up. Perhaps God will use your circumstances to bring someone to Himself.
You are certainly not a hypocrite if the good Lord says to separate.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Bloom Where You are Planted!
Starting this blog has brought a serious issue to Light for me. When I first put it up in March of this year (2011), I had no church. I had no intention of even looking for a church. I knew what the church culture is in my area. I had found one a good distance away but with gas prices climbing, I did not think it worth it to make the trip once to three times a week. Doing Bible study by Skype was working when we could get together on the same day at the same time.
Now, I really like using thetechnology we have available to us for Bible study. Something was beginning to be amiss. It became apparent very quickly that it was being in the presence of other Christians. Skype has enabled me to continue studying with a minister that I enjoy and happen to be friends with. I love the fact that there is a televised buffet of church programming we can turn to. I love to listen to Joyce Meyer. I have recently discovered Beth Moore. Good stuff! But it is not the same as sitting in a pew next to a real sister in Christ that I can hold hands with if I need to. From television and video, you don't get the human contact from the 'fellowship' of hugging and shaking hands after the choir comes down (in some churches, I understand other churches do it differently). Human touch is important even if they don't fix their potato salad the same way you do!
So, now here was the Holy Spirit telling me I needed a congregation for my sake and the sake of my kids! Believe me, I did not want to hear that. Churches are messy and full of hypocrites and sinners! Is that not what you hear from everybody? If I had a dollar for every time I heard that from the mouth of Christian and non-Christian alike I would be a very wealthy woman. But it is just not good for a Christian to sithome alone . If you are able you need to get out with other Christians.
Church hunting is just not very much fun. That is my personal opinion, but one I think most share. Why do we do it? I do not know about other towns, but where I live there are two within throwing distance and one every couple of miles or so in any direction. My stomach literally gets into knots just thinking about going into any of them and being ignored by strangers who could care less about meeting me or getting to know me. Worse even, the thought that I might meet people who know my past, my history, and might hold it against me at best and at worst, are willing to gossip about me and shun me. Yeah, church hunting is not much fun. But when the Holy Spirit says do something, you just put that aside and go, right? Right. It took a couple of weeks for me to move on that one.
Just so you know, that whole church thing is biblical. It is not something just dreamed up to make money off the faithful (although that happens, sadly). If you need the reference it is Hebrews 10:23-32
23Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful;
24and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,
25not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
The Holy Spirit is teaching me that any church will do. What? I know, right? But yes, any church will do. They are ALL full of hurting, healing, loving, struggling people. Some clean up better than others. Some are further along their path to becoming like Jesus. Some have not yet realized they are supposed to be moving toward being like Jesus! They think they got saved from hellfire and that is it. They are done. Poor things just stopped right out of the gate.
Okay, here's the thing, their walk with Jesus is not any of your business except to encourage and help them. You are supposed to be in church to help them along, be a support for them. But how many of us look at church that way? How many of us get up and say, I'm going to go to so-and-so church and see if anybody up there needs my shoulder to lean on?
What do we do? We go to see if we like the singing. Is the preacher entertaining? Is their carpet a pretty color? Do they dress nice and smell pretty? We go for what we can get out of it. And I suppose that's a good thing if you are not very far along in your walk. I suppose it is okay to want those things. But can we get some folks who are going to see what needs to be done? Can we start going to see who needs to be loved? Who needs a ride to the doctor? the store? Who needs somebody to just visit with for a while so they remember they are human and loved?
I hate to step on any toes, but people, if you are going all the way across town for a good singing every week and passing up the place next door where there is some poor soul who could use your company every now and again, are you really being Jesus to the world? Are you being Jesus in the church, for that matter? Can I challenge you to reassess where you are and what you are doing? Are you doing it for God or are you doing it for you? Can I challenge you to start looking outside of you and your personal comfort and look to see if others need something? I promise you won't have to look long. Everybody okay at your church? Here's the biggie! Can I challenge you to go somewhere else and see if you can find someone that needs help, a shoulder, a friend?
And I do not mean to be ugly about it, but church has become 'sugar and cake'. Yeah, I am getting back around to it. I'll explain more about 'sugar and cake' and what I mean by that later.
But for now, ask yourself why you feel the need to travel all the way across town for a good singing when the church just up the road might be just as good. Maybe God needs you there for a little while. It isn't easy. I know. I am praying about two different churches right. One is doing quite well and seems to be growing. The other needs a lot of prayer, a new pastor, and maybe a swift kick in the ...well. The point is. The church is the church is the church. As long as we all agree on the big stuff, who cares about the little stuff?
You know, just bloom where you are planted, but always let the Holy Spirit be the one to plant you.
Now, I really like using the
So, now here was the Holy Spirit telling me I needed a congregation for my sake and the sake of my kids! Believe me, I did not want to hear that. Churches are messy and full of hypocrites and sinners! Is that not what you hear from everybody? If I had a dollar for every time I heard that from the mouth of Christian and non-Christian alike I would be a very wealthy woman. But it is just not good for a Christian to sit
Church hunting is just not very much fun. That is my personal opinion, but one I think most share. Why do we do it? I do not know about other towns, but where I live there are two within throwing distance and one every couple of miles or so in any direction. My stomach literally gets into knots just thinking about going into any of them and being ignored by strangers who could care less about meeting me or getting to know me. Worse even, the thought that I might meet people who know my past, my history, and might hold it against me at best and at worst, are willing to gossip about me and shun me. Yeah, church hunting is not much fun. But when the Holy Spirit says do something, you just put that aside and go, right? Right. It took a couple of weeks for me to move on that one.
Just so you know, that whole church thing is biblical. It is not something just dreamed up to make money off the faithful (although that happens, sadly). If you need the reference it is Hebrews 10:23-32
23Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful;
24and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,
25not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
The Holy Spirit is teaching me that any church will do. What? I know, right? But yes, any church will do. They are ALL full of hurting, healing, loving, struggling people. Some clean up better than others. Some are further along their path to becoming like Jesus. Some have not yet realized they are supposed to be moving toward being like Jesus! They think they got saved from hellfire and that is it. They are done. Poor things just stopped right out of the gate.
Okay, here's the thing, their walk with Jesus is not any of your business except to encourage and help them. You are supposed to be in church to help them along, be a support for them. But how many of us look at church that way? How many of us get up and say, I'm going to go to so-and-so church and see if anybody up there needs my shoulder to lean on?
What do we do? We go to see if we like the singing. Is the preacher entertaining? Is their carpet a pretty color? Do they dress nice and smell pretty? We go for what we can get out of it. And I suppose that's a good thing if you are not very far along in your walk. I suppose it is okay to want those things. But can we get some folks who are going to see what needs to be done? Can we start going to see who needs to be loved? Who needs a ride to the doctor? the store? Who needs somebody to just visit with for a while so they remember they are human and loved?
I hate to step on any toes, but people, if you are going all the way across town for a good singing every week and passing up the place next door where there is some poor soul who could use your company every now and again, are you really being Jesus to the world? Are you being Jesus in the church, for that matter? Can I challenge you to reassess where you are and what you are doing? Are you doing it for God or are you doing it for you? Can I challenge you to start looking outside of you and your personal comfort and look to see if others need something? I promise you won't have to look long. Everybody okay at your church? Here's the biggie! Can I challenge you to go somewhere else and see if you can find someone that needs help, a shoulder, a friend?
And I do not mean to be ugly about it, but church has become 'sugar and cake'. Yeah, I am getting back around to it. I'll explain more about 'sugar and cake' and what I mean by that later.
But for now, ask yourself why you feel the need to travel all the way across town for a good singing when the church just up the road might be just as good. Maybe God needs you there for a little while. It isn't easy. I know. I am praying about two different churches right. One is doing quite well and seems to be growing. The other needs a lot of prayer, a new pastor, and maybe a swift kick in the ...well. The point is. The church is the church is the church. As long as we all agree on the big stuff, who cares about the little stuff?
You know, just bloom where you are planted, but always let the Holy Spirit be the one to plant you.
Friday, May 6, 2011
God is a gardener
God is so good.
Did you know bitterness will drive every person you know away from you? Even strangers will eventually get wind of your bitterness and run away. The Bible tells us that "the heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy" (Proverbs 14:10) Understand, a bitter person will enjoy being bitter. They like being mean. I know I did. Years ago I worked at a hospital in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I know those poor nurses down at Erlanger just cringed whenever they saw my name next to their's on that big white assignment board. I was just awful. Having your child taken from you, being intimidated and bullied, even physically abused, will do that to you. It does not HAVE to do that, but it is a common reaction. I did not know at the time that I could choose to be something other than bitter.
Bitterness grows from just a tiny little seed. It only takes a little hurt. Well, maybe a big hurt, but only one, and it will get dug in good and grow like wildfire.
You see, bitterness is like a Yucca plant. Have you ever had to dig out a Yucca? Oh my goodness! A root of bitterness is very much the same thing: sharp, dangerous, stabbing blades that reach out into the world, jabbing you should you get too close. A Yucca plant has a root system that goes deep into the earth just like a root of bitterness hides deep inside your spirit, growing a vast network of new problem areas that will take considerable work and effort to cut out and destroy.
I know that now. Now, that many relationships that could have been very close, loving ones are permanently severed, I know.
I also know this:
Jesus gave us a very pointed directive to follow:
"and He answered, You shall love the Lord Your God with all your heart, and with all your souls, and with all your strength, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself."
That means everybody. The family friend that betrayed you and lied to you. The minister that did something you did not like. The grocery clerk that had a bad attitude. Your husband or wife that was really snappish this morning over breakfast. The terrorist that set off a car bomb half a world away. You don't have to make yourself accessible to them for hurt again. You DO have to forgive them and determine to walk in Love because you serve, if you are a Christian, the Master of Forgiveness. That is what we are supposed to be practicing. And it is a choice. The Bible is clear about that as well.
Ephesians 4:31 tells us to "Let ALL bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be PUT AWAY from you, along with all malice".
It is our choice to stop being angry and bitter. It is our choice to stop talking about people in a harmful manner. That can be a difficult one, too. I know. When I am at home cleaning up the breakfast mess and there is no one else in that kitchen but me, I let it fly. I catch myself in mid sentence a lot. Well, the Holy Spirit catches me in mid-sentence. If it were me, I'd go all day and into the night cussing a blue streak. We all do it. Don't even act like you don't.
And we have to be vigilant about keeping it down, cutting it out, just like that bothersome Yucca plant that will shoot up again if we did not get all of it out of our ground. The book of Hebrews in chapter 12, verse 15 tells us we have to keep at it (Hebrews 12:15) where it says " See to it no one comes short of the Grace of God; that NO ROOT of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;".
I have a list of people that I need to forgive. It is not in my plans to set myself up for them ever again, but Jesus said I have to forgive them. Every single one of them. That does mean being civil to them and keeping my comments and thoughts in check with regards to them. Some of them I may have to come to a point where I can socialize with them again without getting too cozy. Not going to lie, I am not looking forward to it. Because they may never be aware that I have forgiven them, they will probably never change. Just because I forgive them does not guarantee a change in their behavior. Forgiveness does not require me to go to that person and tell them I forgive them. If I have wronged them I must ask forgiveness, but I do not need to, nor should I, make the first effort after forgiving them to become buddies again. I think that the Holy Spirit knows that to do so would actually be counterproductive. Separation may be the only way that person who hurt you ever knows that they did something wrong. It is not. I may find out differently as I progress along this path of discovery, but for now that's where it stands. Boundaries are useful things.
Bitterness can spread. It can cause many people to sin through gossip. If it is at all possible I have to learn to keep my mouth shut. I like to talk. Almost every photo ever taken of me has me with my mouth open and running about something or another. Keeping quiet is just not my thing. Hard lesson to learn! Unless it is a serious problem that could hurt others, I need to keep my mouth shut. I don't believe people should keep quiet about wife/child-beaters or child molesters or adulterers and I do not think God wants us to. If those kinds of sins are put to Light the sinner might repent and be healed of their problem. People get seriously hurt from those kind of sins. But that's a whole other blog...y'all do not want to get me started on rapists and adulterers...and I group them together for a reason. More on that later.
I do not see many Christians practicing Forgiveness even though they will praise Jesus' name on Sunday morning. I cannot let His name fall from my lips if I am not willing to make an attempt to let Him have my hurts and to Forgive all.
Are you a Christian?
Do you practice Forgiveness?
Are you holding onto grudges?
Why?
Jesus is the Master of Forgiveness..... and He can and will cut that awful Yucca plant out and plant a beautiful garden in your heart if you let Him.
Did you know bitterness will drive every person you know away from you? Even strangers will eventually get wind of your bitterness and run away. The Bible tells us that "the heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy" (Proverbs 14:10) Understand, a bitter person will enjoy being bitter. They like being mean. I know I did. Years ago I worked at a hospital in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I know those poor nurses down at Erlanger just cringed whenever they saw my name next to their's on that big white assignment board. I was just awful. Having your child taken from you, being intimidated and bullied, even physically abused, will do that to you. It does not HAVE to do that, but it is a common reaction. I did not know at the time that I could choose to be something other than bitter.
Bitterness grows from just a tiny little seed. It only takes a little hurt. Well, maybe a big hurt, but only one, and it will get dug in good and grow like wildfire.
You see, bitterness is like a Yucca plant. Have you ever had to dig out a Yucca? Oh my goodness! A root of bitterness is very much the same thing: sharp, dangerous, stabbing blades that reach out into the world, jabbing you should you get too close. A Yucca plant has a root system that goes deep into the earth just like a root of bitterness hides deep inside your spirit, growing a vast network of new problem areas that will take considerable work and effort to cut out and destroy.
I know that now. Now, that many relationships that could have been very close, loving ones are permanently severed, I know.
I also know this:
Jesus gave us a very pointed directive to follow:
"and He answered, You shall love the Lord Your God with all your heart, and with all your souls, and with all your strength, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself."
That means everybody. The family friend that betrayed you and lied to you. The minister that did something you did not like. The grocery clerk that had a bad attitude. Your husband or wife that was really snappish this morning over breakfast. The terrorist that set off a car bomb half a world away. You don't have to make yourself accessible to them for hurt again. You DO have to forgive them and determine to walk in Love because you serve, if you are a Christian, the Master of Forgiveness. That is what we are supposed to be practicing. And it is a choice. The Bible is clear about that as well.
Ephesians 4:31 tells us to "Let ALL bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be PUT AWAY from you, along with all malice".
It is our choice to stop being angry and bitter. It is our choice to stop talking about people in a harmful manner. That can be a difficult one, too. I know. When I am at home cleaning up the breakfast mess and there is no one else in that kitchen but me, I let it fly. I catch myself in mid sentence a lot. Well, the Holy Spirit catches me in mid-sentence. If it were me, I'd go all day and into the night cussing a blue streak. We all do it. Don't even act like you don't.
And we have to be vigilant about keeping it down, cutting it out, just like that bothersome Yucca plant that will shoot up again if we did not get all of it out of our ground. The book of Hebrews in chapter 12, verse 15 tells us we have to keep at it (Hebrews 12:15) where it says " See to it no one comes short of the Grace of God; that NO ROOT of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;".
I have a list of people that I need to forgive. It is not in my plans to set myself up for them ever again, but Jesus said I have to forgive them. Every single one of them. That does mean being civil to them and keeping my comments and thoughts in check with regards to them. Some of them I may have to come to a point where I can socialize with them again without getting too cozy. Not going to lie, I am not looking forward to it. Because they may never be aware that I have forgiven them, they will probably never change. Just because I forgive them does not guarantee a change in their behavior. Forgiveness does not require me to go to that person and tell them I forgive them. If I have wronged them I must ask forgiveness, but I do not need to, nor should I, make the first effort after forgiving them to become buddies again. I think that the Holy Spirit knows that to do so would actually be counterproductive. Separation may be the only way that person who hurt you ever knows that they did something wrong. It is not. I may find out differently as I progress along this path of discovery, but for now that's where it stands. Boundaries are useful things.
Bitterness can spread. It can cause many people to sin through gossip. If it is at all possible I have to learn to keep my mouth shut. I like to talk. Almost every photo ever taken of me has me with my mouth open and running about something or another. Keeping quiet is just not my thing. Hard lesson to learn! Unless it is a serious problem that could hurt others, I need to keep my mouth shut. I don't believe people should keep quiet about wife/child-beaters or child molesters or adulterers and I do not think God wants us to. If those kinds of sins are put to Light the sinner might repent and be healed of their problem. People get seriously hurt from those kind of sins. But that's a whole other blog...y'all do not want to get me started on rapists and adulterers...and I group them together for a reason. More on that later.
I do not see many Christians practicing Forgiveness even though they will praise Jesus' name on Sunday morning. I cannot let His name fall from my lips if I am not willing to make an attempt to let Him have my hurts and to Forgive all.
Are you a Christian?
Do you practice Forgiveness?
Are you holding onto grudges?
Why?
Jesus is the Master of Forgiveness..... and He can and will cut that awful Yucca plant out and plant a beautiful garden in your heart if you let Him.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Lessons off the Path
Talk about getting sidetracked! I know I promised my next post would be about 'sugar and cake', but something else happened that I had not planned. Something that God had planned happened instead and it was so much better than what I thought was a good idea.
The past month has been the busiest time of my life since I left the workforce over three years ago. But, I now have the opportunity to have my twelve year old son back with me, where he belongs, finally. God is so good. I have enjoyed shopping for his clothes, re-configuring my weekly grocery list and budget, and just watching him begin to adjust to chores and hanging out with the neighbor's children. You see, he did not have those things where he was before. A child needs these things.
God's Mercy is working in our lives in a huge way. I am so thankful for the time I have with him. I worry he may harbor resentment that Mom was not there all the time. He tells me he is happy though. He tells me he wants to be here. Most of all, he tells me and shows me that he loves me in too many ways to count. That keeps me going day-to-day when I have those thoughts that happen when we get discouraged or worried.
Last Sunday, I took the kids to a new (to us) church to visit. I am in the process of finding us a church home where we can settle into a community of believers. We went to Maple Grove Baptist church just a little way from the house. My father took me there once when I was a little girl, maybe six years old. I went to Vacation Bible School there when I was just a couple of years older than that. I don't remember exactly, it was a very long time ago.
It might be selfish of me, but I was pleasantly surprised when our helpful guide brought my son back into the sanctuary because the children church/ youth group only went through the fifth grade. He was going to have to share the pew with Momma! I could barely contain my tears of happiness through the service. My precious boy sat next to me and pulled my Bible over between us so he could read along , too. It was the first time we had ever sat together in church, the first time we shared a Bible and read it together.
I do not know if the Judge will allow me to keep him. But I do know it is in God's Hands. I know that My Judge in Heaven will determine the outcome and I must trust in that.
The past few weeks have really tested my resolve to Forgive as Christ has directed to do. I do not always feel forgiving towards my son's father. Ugly things have been said that make it so much more difficult to stay the course. Resolved to forgive regardless of outcome, I lean on My Savior Jesus, the Master of Forgiveness...and enjoying every single blessed moment I do have with my son.
The past month has been the busiest time of my life since I left the workforce over three years ago. But, I now have the opportunity to have my twelve year old son back with me, where he belongs, finally. God is so good. I have enjoyed shopping for his clothes, re-configuring my weekly grocery list and budget, and just watching him begin to adjust to chores and hanging out with the neighbor's children. You see, he did not have those things where he was before. A child needs these things.
God's Mercy is working in our lives in a huge way. I am so thankful for the time I have with him. I worry he may harbor resentment that Mom was not there all the time. He tells me he is happy though. He tells me he wants to be here. Most of all, he tells me and shows me that he loves me in too many ways to count. That keeps me going day-to-day when I have those thoughts that happen when we get discouraged or worried.
Last Sunday, I took the kids to a new (to us) church to visit. I am in the process of finding us a church home where we can settle into a community of believers. We went to Maple Grove Baptist church just a little way from the house. My father took me there once when I was a little girl, maybe six years old. I went to Vacation Bible School there when I was just a couple of years older than that. I don't remember exactly, it was a very long time ago.
It might be selfish of me, but I was pleasantly surprised when our helpful guide brought my son back into the sanctuary because the children church/ youth group only went through the fifth grade. He was going to have to share the pew with Momma! I could barely contain my tears of happiness through the service. My precious boy sat next to me and pulled my Bible over between us so he could read along , too. It was the first time we had ever sat together in church, the first time we shared a Bible and read it together.
I do not know if the Judge will allow me to keep him. But I do know it is in God's Hands. I know that My Judge in Heaven will determine the outcome and I must trust in that.
The past few weeks have really tested my resolve to Forgive as Christ has directed to do. I do not always feel forgiving towards my son's father. Ugly things have been said that make it so much more difficult to stay the course. Resolved to forgive regardless of outcome, I lean on My Savior Jesus, the Master of Forgiveness...and enjoying every single blessed moment I do have with my son.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Salt and Light
It was 4 a.m. again and sleep was elusive as ever. So, I decided to pray. I came away with the impression that I was hiding from the world, keeping my Christianity to myself so as not to provoke people. I am not the most tactful person and my few forays into presenting myself to the world consisted of some miserable exchanges on Facebook that left me looking anything but Christian.
Prayer haunting me with accusations of hiding away from the world, I turned to reading the Bible since I could not sleep. Into the kitchen I ambled, opened the Book and my fear was confirmed. The Holy Spirit has a wonderful way of doing that to us. I normally do not advocate just opening the Bible to read any old where, but tonight (this morning?) I did.
Book of Matthew. Matthew 5: 13-16 to be exact.
15nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.
16"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
My wonderful Master of Forgiveness was telling me I was hiding. This blog is a result of that. There have been discussions recently with Christian friends that our community is now online, our witness is maybe shifting to an online audience. Instead of street corners, we now have websites and social networks where our voice can be 'heard'.
Many years ago I was a member of a congregation that was told it would have its 'lampstand' removed if it did not get about the business of representing Christ to the world. At the time, I thought that meant cleaning up, passing out tracts, and ascribing to the legalism that was the culture of that church. My mother frequently made fun of me and accused me of 'going to extremes'. She was correct, but I did not know that at the time. Cleaning up the outside, while leaving the inside a mess, was what I thought religion was. I did not truly know how to clean up the inside, the inner man. It was difficult work and so I left it. I was spiritually lazy. Needless to say, that church is no more.Feeling at least partially responsible for that, I left Christianity once again and jumped headlong into Neo-paganism believing it to be more help than Christianity could be.
I am older now. I suppose the Holy Spirit has decided its time to cook or get out of the kitchen. This time there is no safety in a congregation. I am not a member of any church congregation.A small group of friends and I held bible studies in my home(s) for a couple of years and then that, too faded away. I still do lessons with the leader of those studies by Skype, but it is not the same thing as being face-to-face in a room with other believers. It is just me and God this time. The consequences of failing in this lesson could be quite serious. He has made that clear and I am acutely aware this time around.
So, having been led to read Matthew 5:13-16 I came away from my alone-time with the Master of Forgiveness with a new awareness, a new wisdom that I had not previously possessed. Our flavor, my flavor, is supposed to be that of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not something I think of when someone what Christianity is. It should be the first thing that comes to mind, but for some reason it isn't. I am supposed to give the world a taste of mercy and grace. I wasn't doing that. Years ago, in that little church, we were supposed to be forgiving and showing mercy. We failed.
And a new, sinking knowledge crept over me. I was failing again.
My relationships were shattered. I no longer talked to my brothers or their wives. I could not think of a single friend from my life that I still associated with even on a weekly basis. My bitterness had driven even my oldest child away.
Here was Jesus telling me "quit hiding and be the woman of forgiveness you were created to be!"
I became painfully aware of the fact that I had even watered things down for my neo-pagan friends by telling them the whole Christian thing was just to placate my family. What a joke! My family relationships were BETTER when I was a goddess-worshiping pagan.
I got up from that experience of God determined to let the Master of Forgiveness lead and I would simply follow. I certainly had not been able to improve things on my own.
I want to be that Light. I want to be the salt that gives flavor to every encounter I have with others.
So this blog is about sharing my lessons and (hopefully) my healing as I learn to forgive as Jesus forgives; not as a doormat for all to walk on or with expected retribution but with conviction, perseverance, fully aware of what it is to extend mercy...grace-fully.
I invite you to look at Christianity anew with me.
Up next...sugar and cake!
Prayer haunting me with accusations of hiding away from the world, I turned to reading the Bible since I could not sleep. Into the kitchen I ambled, opened the Book and my fear was confirmed. The Holy Spirit has a wonderful way of doing that to us. I normally do not advocate just opening the Bible to read any old where, but tonight (this morning?) I did.
Book of Matthew. Matthew 5: 13-16 to be exact.
Salt and Light
13"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. 14"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden;15nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.
16"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
My wonderful Master of Forgiveness was telling me I was hiding. This blog is a result of that. There have been discussions recently with Christian friends that our community is now online, our witness is maybe shifting to an online audience. Instead of street corners, we now have websites and social networks where our voice can be 'heard'.
Many years ago I was a member of a congregation that was told it would have its 'lampstand' removed if it did not get about the business of representing Christ to the world. At the time, I thought that meant cleaning up, passing out tracts, and ascribing to the legalism that was the culture of that church. My mother frequently made fun of me and accused me of 'going to extremes'. She was correct, but I did not know that at the time. Cleaning up the outside, while leaving the inside a mess, was what I thought religion was. I did not truly know how to clean up the inside, the inner man. It was difficult work and so I left it. I was spiritually lazy. Needless to say, that church is no more.Feeling at least partially responsible for that, I left Christianity once again and jumped headlong into Neo-paganism believing it to be more help than Christianity could be.
I am older now. I suppose the Holy Spirit has decided its time to cook or get out of the kitchen. This time there is no safety in a congregation. I am not a member of any church congregation.A small group of friends and I held bible studies in my home(s) for a couple of years and then that, too faded away. I still do lessons with the leader of those studies by Skype, but it is not the same thing as being face-to-face in a room with other believers. It is just me and God this time. The consequences of failing in this lesson could be quite serious. He has made that clear and I am acutely aware this time around.
So, having been led to read Matthew 5:13-16 I came away from my alone-time with the Master of Forgiveness with a new awareness, a new wisdom that I had not previously possessed. Our flavor, my flavor, is supposed to be that of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not something I think of when someone what Christianity is. It should be the first thing that comes to mind, but for some reason it isn't. I am supposed to give the world a taste of mercy and grace. I wasn't doing that. Years ago, in that little church, we were supposed to be forgiving and showing mercy. We failed.
And a new, sinking knowledge crept over me. I was failing again.
My relationships were shattered. I no longer talked to my brothers or their wives. I could not think of a single friend from my life that I still associated with even on a weekly basis. My bitterness had driven even my oldest child away.
Here was Jesus telling me "quit hiding and be the woman of forgiveness you were created to be!"
I became painfully aware of the fact that I had even watered things down for my neo-pagan friends by telling them the whole Christian thing was just to placate my family. What a joke! My family relationships were BETTER when I was a goddess-worshiping pagan.
I got up from that experience of God determined to let the Master of Forgiveness lead and I would simply follow. I certainly had not been able to improve things on my own.
I want to be that Light. I want to be the salt that gives flavor to every encounter I have with others.
So this blog is about sharing my lessons and (hopefully) my healing as I learn to forgive as Jesus forgives; not as a doormat for all to walk on or with expected retribution but with conviction, perseverance, fully aware of what it is to extend mercy...grace-fully.
I invite you to look at Christianity anew with me.
Up next...sugar and cake!
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