Prayer haunting me with accusations of hiding away from the world, I turned to reading the Bible since I could not sleep. Into the kitchen I ambled, opened the Book and my fear was confirmed. The Holy Spirit has a wonderful way of doing that to us. I normally do not advocate just opening the Bible to read any old where, but tonight (this morning?) I did.
Book of Matthew. Matthew 5: 13-16 to be exact.
Salt and Light
13"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. 14"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden;15nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.
16"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
My wonderful Master of Forgiveness was telling me I was hiding. This blog is a result of that. There have been discussions recently with Christian friends that our community is now online, our witness is maybe shifting to an online audience. Instead of street corners, we now have websites and social networks where our voice can be 'heard'.
Many years ago I was a member of a congregation that was told it would have its 'lampstand' removed if it did not get about the business of representing Christ to the world. At the time, I thought that meant cleaning up, passing out tracts, and ascribing to the legalism that was the culture of that church. My mother frequently made fun of me and accused me of 'going to extremes'. She was correct, but I did not know that at the time. Cleaning up the outside, while leaving the inside a mess, was what I thought religion was. I did not truly know how to clean up the inside, the inner man. It was difficult work and so I left it. I was spiritually lazy. Needless to say, that church is no more.Feeling at least partially responsible for that, I left Christianity once again and jumped headlong into Neo-paganism believing it to be more help than Christianity could be.
I am older now. I suppose the Holy Spirit has decided its time to cook or get out of the kitchen. This time there is no safety in a congregation. I am not a member of any church congregation.A small group of friends and I held bible studies in my home(s) for a couple of years and then that, too faded away. I still do lessons with the leader of those studies by Skype, but it is not the same thing as being face-to-face in a room with other believers. It is just me and God this time. The consequences of failing in this lesson could be quite serious. He has made that clear and I am acutely aware this time around.
So, having been led to read Matthew 5:13-16 I came away from my alone-time with the Master of Forgiveness with a new awareness, a new wisdom that I had not previously possessed. Our flavor, my flavor, is supposed to be that of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not something I think of when someone what Christianity is. It should be the first thing that comes to mind, but for some reason it isn't. I am supposed to give the world a taste of mercy and grace. I wasn't doing that. Years ago, in that little church, we were supposed to be forgiving and showing mercy. We failed.
And a new, sinking knowledge crept over me. I was failing again.
My relationships were shattered. I no longer talked to my brothers or their wives. I could not think of a single friend from my life that I still associated with even on a weekly basis. My bitterness had driven even my oldest child away.
Here was Jesus telling me "quit hiding and be the woman of forgiveness you were created to be!"
I became painfully aware of the fact that I had even watered things down for my neo-pagan friends by telling them the whole Christian thing was just to placate my family. What a joke! My family relationships were BETTER when I was a goddess-worshiping pagan.
I got up from that experience of God determined to let the Master of Forgiveness lead and I would simply follow. I certainly had not been able to improve things on my own.
I want to be that Light. I want to be the salt that gives flavor to every encounter I have with others.
So this blog is about sharing my lessons and (hopefully) my healing as I learn to forgive as Jesus forgives; not as a doormat for all to walk on or with expected retribution but with conviction, perseverance, fully aware of what it is to extend mercy...grace-fully.
I invite you to look at Christianity anew with me.
Up next...sugar and cake!
